Just to Scream by Fifi

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The Meeting of the Rivers near Manaus Brazil.

(I received four reflections from Fifi (a Dutch woman) this week so I will post them over the next several days.  This is the 9th in a series of refections by foreign women prisoners in Brazil and the fifth by Fifi.  In this reflection, Fifi SCREAMS and then feels a little calmer.  I hope by writing her reflections she feels a little calmer too.  Please think about and pray for the author “Fifi” and all the incarcerated women in São Paulo’s prisons.  Fifi has given her permission to share her reflection via this blog post although her name has been changed.)

Anger/aggression/sadness and frustration; where is it coming from?  I have no idea but sometimes I just don’t wanna feel it.

Just to feel nothing for a short while, feel complete peace.

Only me in a place and to scream all the feelings out, letting myself go for one time.

To cry/laugh/scream, to throw everything out.  And to be calm again and to go to a fresh place in the world.

Fifi

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Life Behind Bars by Fifi

 

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(This is the 8th in a series of refections by women prisoners in Brazil and the fourth by Fifi.  In this reflection, Fifi shares her feelings on her life in the Brazilian Prison and how prison life has made her more thankful for the small things inlife.  Please think about and pray for the author “Fifi” and all the incarcerated women in São Paulo’s prisons.  Fifi has given her permission to share her reflection via this blog post although her name has been changed.  Additionally, I have made some small edits for readably and added my own words in parentheses.

If you are inspired to comment on Fifi’s reflections, please add a supportive note in the comment section below and I will ensure she gets your comment.)

In the night I am thinking about my life.  I miss Holland.

The freedom to do what you want and go where you want.  Here you can only leave your cell when there is prison yard time, when you go to work or if you have to transit somewhere (like the medical unit or administration offices.)

That is when you are thankful for your life at home and for the luxury (of home) compared to prison

Here you learn to live differently.  You are thankful (for the small things on the outside), what you have, to go shopping when you want, and eat what you want.

Prison has helped me to think of my life, what I will change, and what to be really thankful for.  But everything happens for a reason.

Depression by Fifi

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(This is the 7th in a series of refections by women prisoners in Brazil and the third by Fifi.  In this reflection, Fifi shares her feelings on depression and more importantly how she can help others with their own depression.  Please think about and pray for the author “Fifi” and all the depressed women in São Paulo’s prisons.  Fifi has given her permission to share her reflection via this blog post although her name has been changed.

If you are inspired to comment on Fifi’s reflections, please add a supportive note in the comment section below and I will ensure she gets your comment.  

What is depression?  I have no idea but I experience it with a lot of “ups and downs.”

One moment I am happy and the next moment angry…and sad.  There are many feelings of pressure on both my body and mind; sadness, anger, frustration, happiness, disappointment…all in my mind as well.

The only way to handle it is to find a way to stay calm and talk to somebody.  Other ways to stay calm are by writing and coloring.  Everyone has their own way. And a lot of people (in prison) don’t dare to come out of their depression, because there is no need.

Also, here you can come out from your depression, but it takes some time.  And once you are out of it, and you are your “old self” again, you can be proud of yourself.  And you must be stronger!

So I want to tell everyone who has the same depression, “Don’t be ashamed of yourself.  You are not alone.”

I wannna ask those people to write something about their depression and their experience so we can share together and (work) to achieve to be better in life.